This is a re-post from October 2011.
Earlier this year, it occurred to me that I'd be turning 25 in February, and that my body wasn't in the place I wanted it to be. It wasn't that I felt overweight, I just didn't feel my best. I felt that I was too young to feel this tired, and to continue with the habits I had would only bring more weight in the future.
I decided to sit down and write down the three biggest things I struggled with. For me, it was:
- education and talents
- self esteem/ healthy body weight
I started with my self esteem. I've never had any. It made it hard for me to make friends, not be jealous of others, and be aware of my own talents and accomplishments. I knew that if I could gain proper self esteem (while avoiding pride), I might even be able to feel the love Heavenly Father has for me.
So, June 20th, I downloaded a calorie counter onto my phone and I started counting my calories. I limited myself to the following:
- 1500 calories/day
- no eating past 8pm
- workout 6 days/week
Dan was a cross country runner in high school, so he made me a workout calendar. When I first started, I weighed 175 pounds, wore a size 16 skirt/pants, and couldn't run (meaning a slow jog) for longer than 5 minutes at a time.
He started me out "easy" (which it wasn't). Monday through Friday it was 5 minutes jog, 10 minutes walk, 5 minutes jog, and so forth until I had been outside for 30 minutes. Saturdays were the long days, and Dan added another 5 minutes that I had to be outside. It took me about a month to master this and not die in the Arizona summer heat.
Speaking of, another thing I had to commit to was the time. I'm an "all or nothing" person, so if I can't workout at the same time everyday, while starting on a Monday and being perfect weather and nothing else to do at home, I "couldn't" do it at all. The biggest change and reason I've succeeded thus far is because I had to get past that. I HAD to make running a priority- that was number ONE when the time came. For example, when Dan works from 5am-3pm, I ran at 3pm. No later. Otherwise, I would have talked myself out of it. If Dan had the day off or worked from 2pm-11pm, I went at 6:30 in the morning. No matter what. That being said, it did get tremendously hot outside. At 6:30am it would be 99 degrees or so, and at 3pm it was pure death at 115-118 degrees sometimes. But only ONCE I came home with heatstroke. After that, I had to go to the gym on base and use the treadmill.
Anyway...eventually, I worked up to 15 minutes run (again, meaning jog) 5 walk, 15 run. After that, it was 20 minutes run, until finally, it is what it is now- 30 minutes continual run on Monday-Thursday, Fridays a fast mile time trial, and Saturdays 40 minutes continual run. I couldn't believe the first time I clocked a run in the car and it was 3 miles. I had NEVER run 2 miles straight, let alone three without stopping!
Today is October 6th and I weighed 159 pounds with my clothes and shoes on at the doctor's office the other day. I'm nine pounds away from my goal weight, and I feel healthier and more "me" than I ever have before.
Truthfully, eating right is the hardest part. Its so easy to find reasons to take a break, or splurge today, or take a day off. But you can't. It doesn't work if you do. September was proof of that for me. I was still running everyday, but I got lazy and thought I didn't need to count calories anymore. The weight still came off, but it slowed down tremendously. Not only that, I felt that because I was doing it the "easy" way, I was falling short of my best and I felt guilty all the time. When I went back to my calorie counter, I felt the challenge again, and felt proud of my hard work.
Its a funny feeling, finally finding the difference between pride or vanity and self esteem. Its so strange that I've finally accepted my stretch marks and consider them trophies that I've earned from bearing three children. Its wonderful being able to play tag in the park, and actually catch Dan and the kids. It feels incredible knowing that I have a healthy, strong body that Heavenly Father has given me to perform the tasks I need to here on Earth.
Although I'm not to my goal weight or time yet, the harder I work and more miles I overcome, the more I can feel Heavenly Father's (and my husband's) love for me. Not because either of them loves me more lighter than heavier, but because my self esteem is improving enough to move my negativity out of the way...enough to discover the power of hard work, and the feelings that come from it.
For journaling purposes and for inspiration to anyone else who felt like me, who feels they can't do it...
- I wear size 10-12 size skirts
- I can run four miles without stopping (once) and three on a regular basis
- I weigh 159 pounds
- even my shoes fit better. :)
thanks for your love and support.
Friends, I never hit that 150 pound goal. The lowest I got was 155 before I got pregnant and stop counting calories.
Fast forward to November of 2012, when I had my last baby.
It's been ten months. And although I've lost most of the baby weight, it's finally time to reach that goal that I never quite got to! I've attempted and reattempted, and since things have been a little rough lately, I've used food as a comfort even more than I'm used to.
I want to reach my potential. I want to find and finally FEEL my best again!
So for the entire month of October, (and how ever many months past) I'll be counting calories and working out- and sharing all the details. I feel like posting it on my blog will offer a new challenge to me to be consistent- and be successful! I didn't do much journaling about it last time, but I want to this time- so I can have it for the future. I'm joining the 31 days series here.
If you have *positive* input, I'd love to hear it!
If you're against counting calories, don't tell me- I'll look for any excuse not to. But I've made up my mind to.
If you have yummy recipes for delicious cinnamon rolls, don't comment about it. I might just eat through the computer screen to get some...
So excited to start this challenge!